Sex 2.0: Strengthening My Web

I’ve met so many wonderful people this weekend and have gotten closer to people I’ve met before. Most people attending the convention were using Twitter constantly so we tagged our posts #sex20. I’ve made so many new connections and I’m going to try and list them all out here, directory style.

I’ve written here before about Cunning Minx and her wonderful PolyWeekly podcast. Minx attended the conference on Saturday and Holden and I were happy to get to spend some quality time with her. After listening to her for so long and following along with the parts of her life that she shares online, it was like seeing an old friend, even though we’d never really spent much time together. We’d met Minx once before at Dragon*Con, but since this con was smaller it was much easier to really connect with her. Minx holds a very special place in my heart because when I was going through the initial struggle of figuring out how to transition myself into a polyamorous lifestyle with Holden, her podcast had the biggest impact on my ability to come to terms with with the whole situation. Listening to an episode of PolyWeekly was like sitting down with a caring, supportive aunt who encouraged me, got me to laugh about myself and my situation, and most importantly, showed me that I’m not alone.

Graydancer is another polyamorous and sex positive hero of mine and he’s one of the most generous and supportive people I’ve ever met. His podcast, Ropecast is one that I really need to listen through the archives for. A while back, Holden and I went to Conflation in St. Louis and I bought myself my first few lengths of good quality rope. I haven’t done a whole lot with it but in the bit of exploration I have done, I’m finding rope in general, and specifically shibari very appealing and I want to learn more. This was also a good opportunity to purchase Graydancer’s books, Nawashi and Jujun in one handy volume. Holden and I started reading Nawashi online a few months ago and were really enjoying it. Now we can finish the story together. Gray was nice enough to sign our copy. (Squee!)

Kaye Porter is a relationship coach. She is warm, enthusiastic, and fun while also being pragmatic and straightforward. She gave an amazing session about open relationships that was really relevant to Holden’s and my relationship. I’ll blog in greater detail about that soon. Maybe several posts! Kaye does relationship coaching in Los Angeles and writes a blog with lots of good advice and philosophy.

We went on a little lunchtime adventure with a Canadian girl named Alpine. She told us about her blog, Alpine Subdreams, where she writes about her relationship and reviews sex toys and covers other topics.

Scarlet Lotus describes herself like this: “A genderqueer fat femme drag queen fagette and pomo queer intellisexual polyamorous kinky switch. Creatrix, sex toy maven, purveyor of pleasure.” I find this totally fascinating and have enjoyed my first glances at her blog, Femme Fagette.

Jessica Karels is an advocate for relationship choice and she brings several different perspectives from what is usually found in the poly friendly community. According to her website, Young Metro Poly, “She is a bit of an odd duck when it comes to polyamory because she breaks a LOT of the stereotypes about poly people. In addition to being “young” (a Gen X / Gen Y cusp’er at 30 years old), she is also a suburbanite, and enthusiastic corporate sellout, mostly vanilla, spiritually agnostic, and politically right of center.”

Ducky Doolittle stands to become another new hero of mine. After hearing her speak about “The New Sex Educators” I wanted to run right out and sign up to be a Love U Parties sex toy educator. She told us all about her rough beginnings as an orphan living in poverty and how she grew as an advocate, educator, and entrepreneurial pioneer. Her company, Love U Parties specializes in in-home sex toy parties that do more than just titillate groups of women about spicing up their sex lives. Love U only sells chemically safe toys and lubes specially formulated for even the most sensitive skin. Their educators are trained in sexual empowerment through pleasure, providing accurate and responsible information, and promoting a sex positive community. Above all, the company respects its representatives as more than just salespeople.  Each educator receives a higher percentage of sales commission because they’re not just selling toys, they’re providing vital information to people who need it most. Ducky calls it grassroots sex education, spreading the message of safer, more positive sex in small groups in people’s homes. I love this model and I think it has great potential for improving the sex lives of millions of Americans.

MayMaym is a wild haired free spirit who speaks with a warm, quiet surety about topics surrounding sexual freedom. He is a host of Kink on Tap, “The smart sexuality netcast.” I didn’t get to attend any of the sessions he led but he was in the audience of some that I did go to and I was always happy when he’d raise his hand to comment because he really brought such thoughtfulness and engagement to the discussion. He’s the kind of person I know I’d just love to sit back and listen to as he carried on a deep intellectual discussion about sexual philosophy. I can’t wait to go back through his site and catch up on previous topics.

Megan Andelloux is someone I wish I had gotten more time to speak with. She is a sexologist and sex educator who seems to revel in gathering all the old fashioned repressive attitudes of the first half of this century into a neat little stylishly decorated package and then blithely exploding them with truth and facts. Her website, Oh Megan, is a delightfully designed portal to her workshops and other educational services. She brings the style and joy of a 1950s hostess to the topic of sex and sex education. Think of “Joan Holloway” from Mad Men hosting a sex toy party. I hope to catch one of Megan’s workshops one day.

Sabrina Morgan is a phone sex artist. I admire (and yes, envy) women who have the verbal prowess to be dominating, teasing, and ultimately controlling in a pleasurable way. It’s something I’ve always wanted to be able to do myself and I love that someone like Sabrina can make a going business of it. Her website, SabrinaMorgan.com has some great pictures and enticing details about her philosophy and phone sex services.

Inara de Luna is a Qadishtu priestess of sacred sexuality. She had wonderful insights to share in many of the sessions I attended with her. Her experiences as a doula, a priestess, and a bisexual woman have given her an innate sense of compassion and she exudes caring and warmth. Inara is the founder of the Temple of the Red Lotus, which focuses on the sacredness of sexuality and pleasure. Ritualistic sex and sacred sex have both been areas of interest for me so I was excited to hear her perspective on many topics.

Veronica Monet gave the keynote address to open the convention and hosted a session about the Madonna/Whore Complex. She is a fascinating person and her wealth of knowledge about feminism, courtesans, whores, and sexuality captivated every group she spoke to this weekend. Her website is called Sex Without Shame. Focusing on healing sexual shame and improving the connection between mind, body, and soul, she marches steadfastly with her banner held high, declaring everyone’s right to  sexual pleasure and fulfillment.

Julian Arancia writes a really good blog about open relationships, kink, sacred sexuality, and paganism. One post on his blog that really stuck out to me was about helping his cat, a companion for over 17 years, pass over with the help of a vet. Another was about the celebration of his “Exquisite Treasure,” his slave, and the commitment they made to each other. He writes beautifully and always from the heart and I look forward to reading more from him.

Phew! It was a whirlwind weekend. It was a pleasure meeting all of you and I hope we can all keep in touch!

-Grace