When Holden told me he wanted us to come out to them, I resisted with all my might. I was very afraid of the feeling that we were breaking down the wall between our personal lives and our family. We’d kept the two completely separate thusfar and I was most comfortable with those two worlds separated. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that of anybody’s parents Holden’s would be the most likely to accept this kind of information well and process it maturely. They’re liberal people who tend to be live-and-let-live in their approach to things. We expected them to be concerned, to have questions, to question our reasons and our methods, and at the very least accept that this is what we want to do and that even if they don’t like it, that they still love us and will figure out how it fits. Knowing that they were hippies in the 70s, I suspected that they had some kind of experience with a similar arrangement or some kind of non-monogamy, at least by association.

We didn’t quite expect that they had had a polyamorous experience directly and that it had ended very badly. We further didn’t expect that it would have tainted Holden’s mom’s entire understanding of non-monogamy and that she would be basically unable to hear anything we had to say about it.

Holden set up the conversation by referencing some points he’d read in Sex at Dawn about how family structures were set up in times past and how he liked the idea of “it takes a village to raise a child,” more communal living, and a sense of extended family made by close associations. That much was well received. Then he continued to say that about four years ago he and I had decided to open ourselves up to having deeper relationships with other people in addition to each other. When he started to stumble a bit at how to explain, I stepped in and explained that he had been in a relationship with a particular woman for the past two years or so and that in any other situation if a person had been an important part of our lives for that long we’d naturally say something about it to our family, that it just felt like the right thing to do to make them aware of this important thing.

His mother went very quiet. His father was also quiet but I could see he was waiting for a cue from his wife. Holden’s brother, who is eighteen and has just started college, was eager for the conversation and wanted to hear more. He had been experiencing some relationship drama in his last year of high school and his first year of college that seemed like it could benefit from an honest discussion about the structure of relationships and how people thought about the philosophy of dating and commitment, but Holden and I had felt held back from talking with him too openly about it for fear of confusing things if we didn’t talk to the whole family at once. We were hoping to break some of that ice by broaching the subject here and then continuing the discussion with him later about his own situation. Anyway, his mother was very quiet for a little while and then said, “I’d like to continue this discussion later. I don’t want to do it now.” So we agreed to table it and went on with our visit.

We waited through most of the next day for her to bring it up again, since we wanted to go at her comfortable pace. But when the day was nearly done and it hadn’t come up again, Holden decided to prod a little and see if we could continue things. With much hesitation, his mother said, “I just want to tell you our story about what we dealt with in this kind of thing, and then I just want to leave it at that.” This felt very confrontational and controlling and neither Holden nor I wanted to just “leave it at that.” Holden started to speak very defensively but I put my hand on his arm and interjected, “Well, we definitely want to hear what you have to say but if it’s just going to be you telling your story and then that’s it, we don’t want that. This is a discussion, and I worry that maybe you’re making some assumptions about what’s going on. Could I maybe describe in more detail what we’re really doing and then you can ask us anything about concerns you have?”

“No.” She reiterated that she didn’t want to hear it but that she wanted to tell us what happened to her. “I know you think you have all the answers. I know you think you have it all figured out. And you don’t. You just don’t know.” Thankfully, Holden’s dad spoke up at this point. He said that years ago they had encountered this situation that he believes just about everybody who’s married encounters at some point in their relationship. Holden’s mom interrupted. “No. No. Not everybody. It’s not like that. Not everybody does this. Not everybody feels that way. No. Not everybody.”

“Well, I think a lot of people do, a lot of married people do have this feeling come up of having feelings for other people. I think it happens all the time.”

“No. No it doesn’t.”

Okay then. The rest of us exchanged a look that meant, “Fine, we know what you mean, please continue.”

Holden’s mom tried, through choked up voice, to explain their situation. There had been another couple that they got involved with back in the 70s. The man of the couple had always been very forward in his attraction to Holden’s mom and she, feeling like she wasn’t getting the attention she wanted from Holden’s dad, responded favorably to feeling that extra attention. Likewise, the woman in the other couple was attracted to Holden’s dad, so since they had been friends for a while, they decided to hook up and do something with those feelings. Holden’s mom, being strong in the feminist movements of the 70s had read all about alternative styles of relationships and felt like she was prepared for everything. They went into the relationship with the common swinger mentality that it was just sexual, that there wasn’t much emotion involved. But inevitably, feelings did develop and things got more and more complicated from there.

The conversation dissolved there as Holden’s mom grew increasingly closed-off, but later through the weekend Holden got a few more details from his dad. We didn’t get all the details, but Holden’s dad fell in love with the woman in the other couple, and she with him. They worked together for a short time and during that time of close contact their feelings deepened. It sounds like the woman in the other couple wasn’t happy with her husband and the double standard they were living. He’d been involved with other women before, whether sanctioned or not we don’t know, but it seems that as soon as the wife developed feelings for someone, her husband couldn’t handle it and wanted it ended. Somehow a pregnancy resulted and it was clear that the baby was Holden’s dad’s. He paid for an abortion and that seems to have been the end of it. But the husband came after him with a gun and eventually the other couple divorced.

It was clearly a painful and damaging experience for all of them and Holden’s parents still carry some hurt feelings from it. Holden’s dad seems to have mostly dealt with his, though, and learned from the experience. Holden’s mom, on the other hand, has let the whole thing create a terrible scar in her mind and she can’t separate the horrible thing she went through from the concepts that are involved. It’s far too emotional even after all these years.

Holden and I talked about his parents’ situation in private. From our perspective, there were several things wrong with the whole scenario from the start. Neither of the two couples was in a stable place. They were kind of enacting the “relationship broken, add more people” problem from both directions. Holden’s parents admitted that there was disappointment and resentment festering in their relationship and that Holden’s mom had responded so strongly to the paramore’s affection because she was feeling neglected by her own spouse. Rather than dealing directly with her disappointment, she just sought to fill the gap elsewhere, which wasn’t a good thing to do. On the other side of things, the double standard that existed in the other relationship was a real stumbling block and indicated an immaturity that would later come up to bite them.

We concluded that Holden’s mom, in typical fashion, was choosing to blame all the pain and suffering on the particular lifestyle choice, not on the individual foibles that never really got dealt with. As a result she was completely incapable of hearing anything we had to say. She absolutely did not want to talk about it in any real way. She’s got her mind made up that anything we try to do is going to end in doom for our relationship and she won’t hear anything else.

The bright spot in all this was Holden’s dad. He had just about the best kind of reaction anyone in our position could hope for. He was genuinely concerned and hearing that we were doing something unconventional worried him, as I think it would worry any parent. But he responded by asking questions, sharing the feelings he’d gone through in his experience, and following those up with what he’d learned in hindsight. He had some general cautions about how nothing is a guarantee and no matter how well you think you’re talking through things, stuff can come up that throws a wrench in the gears. He listened as Holden explained in greater detail how we’re approaching things. He asked with curiosity and concern about the people we’re involved with. Holden remarked to me several times that it struck him how his dad had said, completely unprompted and with no lead-in from either of us, that he believes people can truly love more than one person.

I’ve known Holden’s parents for ten years. I’ve had more intimate discussions with them about their relationship than I’ve had with my own parents. I thought I had them pretty much figured out. I often compare Holden to each of his parents and pay attention to what ways he takes after one or the other and for the most part my predictions are usually correct. In this case, though, I had everything completely backwards. I had assumed that Holden’s dad would be the more conservative, less open to talking about all this, and just sort of have the attitude of, “Well, if it’s working for you, fine, but I don’t need to hear about it.” On the other side I thought Holden’s mom would be more likely to look on the concept favorably, have a more open-minded view of relationships, and have much more to say about it. I never expected to be as wrong as I was about those assumptions.

As Holden and I were hugging his mom goodbye as she dropped us off at the airport, she drove it home to Holden one last time how she feels about our endeavor. She whispered ominously in his ear, “Think about what you’re doing.” He just nodded and walked away. There was nothing he could say to change her mind. It didn’t matter that we’ve been talking through all this for four years, that he’s been solidly committed to his girlfriend for the past two years, that we have navigated serious heartbreak, hurdles, and breakdowns and weathered them together. She just had to have the last word.

Holden fumed on the plane ride home. But we both took comfort in knowing that he was able to leave more solid facts about our situation with his dad and that with any luck he’d be able to talk to Holden’s mom and get some of those facts through the thick wall she’s put up around the subject.

Knowing Holden, this isn’t going to be the end of it.

At the very least, we now feel free to talk more openly with Holden’s brother and knowing what a thoughtful person he is, those discussions will be much more productive.

I’m still not sure how I feel about everything. I’m going back and forth with a lot of emotions and initial reactions that may or may not be fair. I’m going to need some more processing time.

-Grace

Holden and I have often talked about reasons for wanting to be out. We both come to the issue from very different places and we have different needs about it, but we’ve worked very hard to have those needs met on middle ground.

There are lots of reasons to want to come out and be open with people about the realities of your life.

• Polyamory is a part of who you are and it feels dishonest/stifling/unfair not to acknowledge it.
• For something controversial like polyamory you can “control the story” somewhat if you make sure people get accurate information about your situation directly from you rather than have them find out through exaggerated/inaccurate rumors.
• You can build a wall of protection with friends/family as allies. Having a friend to vouch for you when someone else is struggling with how to accept this new information can help ease their mind or assure them that it’s nothing to freak out about.
• You can advance the cause and possibly pave the way to make it easier for other people who come after. And you never know, the person you come out to may very well come out right back and reveal that they too have some experience with open relationships.

Whatever the reason/s you subscribe to, the desire is the same: to be honest about the reality of your life.

Graydancer broke down the groups of people you could be out to into spheres of influence:

• Yourself: Graydancer mentioned that coming out to yourself, really coming to grips with who you are and what that means about your identity is often its own struggle. It’s vital that you have a solid understanding and acceptance for yourself because that establishes your self confidence. It also allows you to set the terms for yourself, figure out how out you need to be, and reassure yourself that even if things go badly, you’re firm in your footing and will still have your own strength to keep you going.
• Partners, Children, Housemates: It’s most obvious that your partners would know or need to know, but people often feel challenged about how to handle the discussion with children. I’ve experienced this most directly in relation to gay people. I’ve seen that children form their own sense of what’s “normal” and what’s even noteworthy based on the environment they grow up in. Gray’s advice was to keep things age-appropriate, but to be honest about what you do, who you love, and how you feel. I’ve seen it happen that even though parents are at ease and comfortable about their own decisions and about their sexuality, they clam up when it comes time to talk to their kids about it. They hem and haw and use euphemisms. Despite the parents’ actual feelings, their kids get the impression that sex and relationships are taboo and that their parents aren’t really comfortable talking about them. However, the people I’ve talked to whose parents were cool about “taboo” subjects ended up with much more well-adjusted attitudes.
• Extended family, friends: Holden and I have so far treated this level as a “need to know” kind of thing, but some of the things Graydancer said echo some of Holden’s assertions about why it’s better to be out to more of these people than not. Rumors can be much more damaging than facts and when the secret inevitably gets out, it’s better to know these people have your side of the story. It helps mitigate the reaction many people have to something salacious, which is to gossip about it and talk about it with everyone but the person involved. Also, you may find allies among those friends and family you tell. But these people who may want to help you can’t do that if they don’t have the information.
• Workplace, general public: Some jobs require you to have a public face and represent the business in a very personal way. If there’s a fear your “alternative lifestyle” will somehow harm people’s impression of the business, you could be in trouble. Gray gave the example of blogger, The Beautiful Kind. She did everything she could to keep her personal and professional lives separate, but when her employer found out the details of her personal life, he reacted unreasonably and fired her. Gray, on the other hand, had a much more positive, or at the very least neutral reception when he came out at work. It turns out that for him, a coworker had been the first to come out about something potentially sensitive and that had paved the way for it to be easier for Gray and others to come out too.  This sense of “living out loud” smoothing the path for others is something I’ve considered, but on its own it isn’t one of my top priority reasons for being out.

Of course, all of these comings out can potentially go badly. And that’s terrifying. I, myself, have to be very careful because I don’t think my family would understand at all. Something Gray said also echoed something I feel: you have to pick your battles and make good decisions about how and when to come out. That more or less sums up how Holden and I have been approaching the issue of being out about polyamory. We pick our battles, meaning that if it doesn’t stand to actually promote anything positive, we shy back from setting off that controversy. We have a general idea about how to maintain our honesty and integrity when talking about relationships with friends. Neither of us like outright lying about anything and to differing degrees we’ve been able to avoid lying to our friends.

The issue of coming out to friends is difficult sometimes because the husband of Holden’s girlfriend is very intent on NOT being out. So we have a line of information that we do not cross. Holden and I can talk about ourselves and our relationship status, we can acknowledge that Holden has a girlfriend, but we cannot reveal who he is involved with. That boundary comes with varying degrees of comfort for both of us, but we’re working within it for now.

I’m really glad I got to sit in on Graydancer’s session. It helped me feel like I’m not always the only one asking for discretion or asking to have some more control over how information gets out. It also helped me understand Holden’s position more clearly, especially his motivations for wanting to be as fully out as he can be. It’s still a delicate balance for us, but it is good to remember how we’re working together to maintain it. And we’re making positive steps all the time.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll have more notes from my experience at Sex 2.0 coming up!

-Grace

I’ve written here before about Cunning Minx and her wonderful PolyWeekly podcast. Minx attended the conference on Saturday and Holden and I were happy to get to spend some quality time with her. After listening to her for so long and following along with the parts of her life that she shares online, it was like seeing an old friend, even though we’d never really spent much time together. We’d met Minx once before at Dragon*Con, but since this con was smaller it was much easier to really connect with her. Minx holds a very special place in my heart because when I was going through the initial struggle of figuring out how to transition myself into a polyamorous lifestyle with Holden, her podcast had the biggest impact on my ability to come to terms with with the whole situation. Listening to an episode of PolyWeekly was like sitting down with a caring, supportive aunt who encouraged me, got me to laugh about myself and my situation, and most importantly, showed me that I’m not alone.

Graydancer is another polyamorous and sex positive hero of mine and he’s one of the most generous and supportive people I’ve ever met. His podcast, Ropecast is one that I really need to listen through the archives for. A while back, Holden and I went to Conflation in St. Louis and I bought myself my first few lengths of good quality rope. I haven’t done a whole lot with it but in the bit of exploration I have done, I’m finding rope in general, and specifically shibari very appealing and I want to learn more. This was also a good opportunity to purchase Graydancer’s books, Nawashi and Jujun in one handy volume. Holden and I started reading Nawashi online a few months ago and were really enjoying it. Now we can finish the story together. Gray was nice enough to sign our copy. (Squee!)

Kaye Porter is a relationship coach. She is warm, enthusiastic, and fun while also being pragmatic and straightforward. She gave an amazing session about open relationships that was really relevant to Holden’s and my relationship. I’ll blog in greater detail about that soon. Maybe several posts! Kaye does relationship coaching in Los Angeles and writes a blog with lots of good advice and philosophy.

We went on a little lunchtime adventure with a Canadian girl named Alpine. She told us about her blog, Alpine Subdreams, where she writes about her relationship and reviews sex toys and covers other topics.

Scarlet Lotus describes herself like this: “A genderqueer fat femme drag queen fagette and pomo queer intellisexual polyamorous kinky switch. Creatrix, sex toy maven, purveyor of pleasure.” I find this totally fascinating and have enjoyed my first glances at her blog, Femme Fagette.

Jessica Karels is an advocate for relationship choice and she brings several different perspectives from what is usually found in the poly friendly community. According to her website, Young Metro Poly, “She is a bit of an odd duck when it comes to polyamory because she breaks a LOT of the stereotypes about poly people. In addition to being “young” (a Gen X / Gen Y cusp’er at 30 years old), she is also a suburbanite, and enthusiastic corporate sellout, mostly vanilla, spiritually agnostic, and politically right of center.”

Ducky Doolittle stands to become another new hero of mine. After hearing her speak about “The New Sex Educators” I wanted to run right out and sign up to be a Love U Parties sex toy educator. She told us all about her rough beginnings as an orphan living in poverty and how she grew as an advocate, educator, and entrepreneurial pioneer. Her company, Love U Parties specializes in in-home sex toy parties that do more than just titillate groups of women about spicing up their sex lives. Love U only sells chemically safe toys and lubes specially formulated for even the most sensitive skin. Their educators are trained in sexual empowerment through pleasure, providing accurate and responsible information, and promoting a sex positive community. Above all, the company respects its representatives as more than just salespeople.  Each educator receives a higher percentage of sales commission because they’re not just selling toys, they’re providing vital information to people who need it most. Ducky calls it grassroots sex education, spreading the message of safer, more positive sex in small groups in people’s homes. I love this model and I think it has great potential for improving the sex lives of millions of Americans.

MayMaym is a wild haired free spirit who speaks with a warm, quiet surety about topics surrounding sexual freedom. He is a host of Kink on Tap, “The smart sexuality netcast.” I didn’t get to attend any of the sessions he led but he was in the audience of some that I did go to and I was always happy when he’d raise his hand to comment because he really brought such thoughtfulness and engagement to the discussion. He’s the kind of person I know I’d just love to sit back and listen to as he carried on a deep intellectual discussion about sexual philosophy. I can’t wait to go back through his site and catch up on previous topics.

Megan Andelloux is someone I wish I had gotten more time to speak with. She is a sexologist and sex educator who seems to revel in gathering all the old fashioned repressive attitudes of the first half of this century into a neat little stylishly decorated package and then blithely exploding them with truth and facts. Her website, Oh Megan, is a delightfully designed portal to her workshops and other educational services. She brings the style and joy of a 1950s hostess to the topic of sex and sex education. Think of “Joan Holloway” from Mad Men hosting a sex toy party. I hope to catch one of Megan’s workshops one day.

Sabrina Morgan is a phone sex artist. I admire (and yes, envy) women who have the verbal prowess to be dominating, teasing, and ultimately controlling in a pleasurable way. It’s something I’ve always wanted to be able to do myself and I love that someone like Sabrina can make a going business of it. Her website, SabrinaMorgan.com has some great pictures and enticing details about her philosophy and phone sex services.

Inara de Luna is a Qadishtu priestess of sacred sexuality. She had wonderful insights to share in many of the sessions I attended with her. Her experiences as a doula, a priestess, and a bisexual woman have given her an innate sense of compassion and she exudes caring and warmth. Inara is the founder of the Temple of the Red Lotus, which focuses on the sacredness of sexuality and pleasure. Ritualistic sex and sacred sex have both been areas of interest for me so I was excited to hear her perspective on many topics.

Veronica Monet gave the keynote address to open the convention and hosted a session about the Madonna/Whore Complex. She is a fascinating person and her wealth of knowledge about feminism, courtesans, whores, and sexuality captivated every group she spoke to this weekend. Her website is called Sex Without Shame. Focusing on healing sexual shame and improving the connection between mind, body, and soul, she marches steadfastly with her banner held high, declaring everyone’s right to  sexual pleasure and fulfillment.

Julian Arancia writes a really good blog about open relationships, kink, sacred sexuality, and paganism. One post on his blog that really stuck out to me was about helping his cat, a companion for over 17 years, pass over with the help of a vet. Another was about the celebration of his “Exquisite Treasure,” his slave, and the commitment they made to each other. He writes beautifully and always from the heart and I look forward to reading more from him.

Phew! It was a whirlwind weekend. It was a pleasure meeting all of you and I hope we can all keep in touch!

-Grace

As our plane touched down in Seattle late Friday night I kept wondering if I’d be able to tune in Frasier Crane on the radio. And then I started humming the theme song on the cab ride to our hotel. And by the time we’d checked in at the conference, the song’s lyrics started taking on new innuendo.

I haven’t blogged in a while, for lots of reasons, but all the great discussions, sessions, and people here at Sex 2.0 have smashed through my writer’s block and I just had to come up to my room for some quality time with my blog.  I’m working on posts about specific sessions, late night discussions with new friends, and all the great new connections I’ve made and strengthened this weekend.

I’m really looking forward to continuing these discussions here, so read on and share your thoughts!

-Grace

Article for The Truth Quarterly (Fall 08 Issue)

Hi, my name is Grace, and I’m a recovering monogamist.

I first tried monogamy in high school.  All the cool kids were doing it.  My parents tried to talk me out of it.  “Date around,” they said. “Don’t settle on one person too quickly,” they urged.  But I didn’t listen.   Sure enough, one monogamous relationship after another broke down and before I knew it, I was in college and had become a serial monogamist. I thought monogamy was going to be the answer to all my problems. Stability, acceptance, popularity, I could have it all!  No one ever told me that unquestioned monogamy was a gateway to marital complacency.  I became dependent, relying on my monogamous relationship as the sole source for my self esteem and purpose in life.  But could you blame me?  “Happily ever after” was promised to me if I just settled down and married my Prince Charming!  And besides… what else was there?

What else indeed.  When my husband Holden approached me about the idea of opening up our marriage to include other lovers, I thought our relationship was already pretty strong and so did he.  We shared a joyful, fulfilling life together, the sex was great, we had goals and plans and were starting to see some of our hard work pay off in our budding post-college careers.  And most importantly, we loved each other deeply, constantly, and weren’t afraid to show it.  What could someone like me in a happy, satisfying, monogamous marriage have to gain from rewriting the rules?

Over the next two years Holden and I worked at taking apart every aspect of our relationship, looking at all its inner workings, and putting each piece back together with new understanding.  The task was grueling and sometimes painful.  But as our stronger, refreshed partnership started to emerge, I began to realize how much I had taken for granted by never questioning “the way things are.”

We now have a great, functional, happy, open marriage, and that’s cool.  But even if we had gone through all that examining and decided not to include other lovers, our marriage would still have ended up stronger because we made everything about it a conscious choice.  We learned that monogamy can be a great way to live and share your life with a partner you love, but it works out best if it’s chosen as one of several options and not just accepted as the only possible format for a good relationship.  Many of the lessons we learned in preparing to extend beyond monogamy can be applied to monogamous relationships and used to build a better understanding between partners.  And best of all, you don’t have to go through two long years of relationship deconstruction to see what they are!

1.) Decide for yourself what “commitment” and “fidelity” mean to you.
When Holden and I started considering non-monogamy, the questions kept coming up: “Doesn’t that mean you’re not committed to each other?  Doesn’t that mean you’re being unfaithful?” When we eliminated the concept of exclusivity from our definitions, we found ourselves at a loss to easily identify what they really meant.  For us, commitment turned out to be the sense of being each other’s number one priority in every decision. Even if we both had the option of having other lovers we’d always put our marriage first.  Fidelity came to be an extension of commitment. To be faithful to each other meant being sure to understand the rules and promising to stick to them. Often the worst part of someone cheating on a partner is the deceit involved.  So for us, being faithful means eliminating any form of deceit.  If Holden and I have both decided that it’s okay for him to go out with another woman, he’s not breaking faith with me by doing so.  If he did it behind my back and lied about it later, that would be unfaithful.  But that’s just what works for us.  Every partnership depends on this core concept, so it’s important to actually think about what it means to you and make sure you agree with each other about what it means in practical terms.

2.) Learn to understand jealousy.
Jealousy is one of the most complex and misunderstood aspects of human social interaction. It doesn’t help that we’re given such mixed messages about it.  At the same time that we’re being told how ugly jealousy is, we’re being shown that a partner’s jealousy is a measure of how much they love you.  Jealousy actually signifies two very different emotions.  Jealousy “proper” is the feeling that you have something and you don’t want anybody else to have it.  What commonly gets labeled as jealousy, though, is actually envy: seeing something someone else has and wanting it for yourself.  Additionally, while what we see on the surface often looks like jealousy it’s usually an indication of something deeper going on under the surface.  Insecurity is the most common cause of both jealousy and envy.  When you can learn to identify when you or a partner are feeling jealous you can then dig deeper and start to understand why they’re feeling that way.  Chances are, there’s something else going on that warrants further discussion.

3.) Communicate early and often. Then communicate again.
Sometimes when you have a deep, emotional discussion your response is affected by what kind of day you had, what you had for dinner, what pissed you off in the editorial section, or what house Jupiter’s fourth moon is in.  If you’re like me, you can feel entirely different about a situation from one day to the next, so it’s important to do away with the idea of talking about something once and having it “settled.”  Get into a habit of checking in repeatedly about how your partner feels about an important topic.  You might find they’ve changed their mind, have some new insights to add, or have questions for you about how to act on it.

Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Simply going through the motions of life won’t leave you feeling fulfilled, and neither will simply going through the motions of what is probably the most important relationship in your life.  In these times, relationships of every shape are being questioned and examined. Gay and lesbian couples are seeking and winning the right to marry and mainstream media are giving coverage to alternative forms of committed relationships.  Words like polyamory, open marriage, and non-monogamy are showing up in publications like the New York Times and on the Montel Williams show.  All of this means that if you are examining your relationship and considering the possibilities for making it richer and stronger, you’re not alone.  There are plenty of us choosing not to accept the status quo, so come on in, pull up an uncomfortable folding chair, sip some lukewarm coffee, and nibble a crumbly cookie.  The support group for unexamined relationships is just getting started.

Bio for Grace McCabe:

Grace McCabe is a twenty-something freelance writer from the Midwest. She writes a blog about her experiences with polyamory and other issues related to non-monogamy at www.monopolyblog.wordpress.com.